


Confessions and developments

by HikariYumi



Series: Pastoral counseling [1]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alternate Universe - Human, Christian Castiel, Coming Out, Confession, Forced coming out, Gay Castiel, Gen, Homophobia, Internalized Homophobia, Kid Castiel, M/M, Male Homosexuality, Overwhelmed Castiel, Priest Crowley, Scared Castiel, Short One Shot, Supportive Crowley, church, forced confession, gay crowley, helpless castiel, strictly catholic family, timid castiel
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-26
Updated: 2017-02-26
Packaged: 2018-09-23 15:22:00
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,558
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9663386
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HikariYumi/pseuds/HikariYumi
Summary: When Castiel Novak's mother finds out about her son's homosexuality, she sends him to confession. The ashamed kid gains unexpected support from the local priest Crowley.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Hello,  
> first of all thank you for swinging by. I'm aware that priest and boy relationships are a very sensitive topic, so I didn't include Crowstiel in this piece. Castiel is still underage in this fanfic and is just supported by Crowley.  
> If I write a story in this 'verse where both of them are engaging in a relationship Castiel will be over eighteen years old and no minor.
> 
> That being said, have fun reading and I hope I didn't accidentally insulted readers by my description of Castiel's coming out or the process of confession. While I might be catholic it's been a while since my last confession and it's a little different in Germany I'm afraid.^^
> 
> ~Hikari

Father Crowley MacLeod threw a quick glance to the clock above the door of his sacristy. It was almost time.

With a deep sigh, he rose from his chair and stretched his stiff joints, the last two hours he had spent with the preparation for tomorrow’s morning mass and he was in desperate need of a distraction. But that had to wait until later; his appointment would arrive any minute.

Crowley closed the sacristy door firmly behind him, once more cursing inwardly that he still hadn’t found someone to repair the old hinges yet. Not long after, a quiet knock sounded in the empty church, then the massive wooden door opened, a boy braced his body against it to shove it open.

“Castiel,” the priest greeted, giving him a quick once-over. “It’s nice to see you.”

Castiel Novak was a delicate thirteen-year-old boy from a strict catholic family in town. The Novaks were well-known to Crowley, there wasn’t one Saturday night mass they didn’t attend with all of their children. They were quite a big family for today’s society, the boy had three older brothers and one younger sister, as well as one brother the parents didn’t talk about.

“Father,” Castiel murmured timidly, still hovering next to the door.

“Your mother called and informed me that you would need an extracurricular sacrament of penance?” The boy looked pale in the cold winter light that shone through the church windows; he really didn’t appear as if he wanted to be here.

“Yes, father.”

Castiel had always been the most awkward of the siblings, shy, silent and sometimes oblivious to social cues, but Crowley didn’t really mind, he himself wasn’t the most tactful person in that regard, either. He really just wondered what the boy could’ve done that he should confess it immediately.

“Are you alright?” Slowly the priest approached him, forcing himself to show a reassuring smile though it didn’t seem to have much of an effect.

“Yes, I– I came to confess to you, father.”

“I know that already and it’s hardly the first time, isn’t it?” Castiel swallowed but nodded minutely, looking more uncomfortable per second so Crowley decided to give him a break. “Then let’s get it off your chest.”

The priest placed one hand on Castiel’s shoulder, kindly guiding him to the confessional. Under his touch, the boy startled and blushed subtly but didn’t say a word, even though he did look a lot more scared the closer they came. In the end it felt more like dragging someone to the executioner than anything else.

Both of them sat in silence for longer than Crowley had expected. Curiously the priest leaned forward to glance through the grid that divided the cabins at face level. When he concentrated, he could make out enough of Castiel’s face to read it a little; right now, for example the boy seemed not to not only be struggling for words but honestly intimidated. That was something that shouldn’t happen someone who used to give confession a lot more regularly than most.

“Castiel, you know you can tell me everything and God will forgive you after you redeem yourself.”

But even that didn’t seem to quite do the trick; instead the boy seemed to crumble even more on the bench he was seated on. So Crowley decided to just give him a little more time, it wasn’t as he was in any hurry to return to his preparations.

"Bless me Father, for I have sinned. It has been five months since my last confession."

Finally the thin voice formally opened the confession like it had done many times already. Crowley smiled, this somehow reminded him of the first time Castiel had come to him, barely six years old then.

“I–” The boy fell silent again, apparently fidgeting with his hands in his lap. “I am–”

When he noticed that Castiel had caught him watching through the grid, Crowley leaned back against the backrest, granting the boy a little privacy.

“Father, I found that I am attracted to...” His last word was nearly inaudible, even in the silence of a deserted church. “–boys.”

Oh well, Crowley couldn’t say he saw that coming.

A quick glance at Castiel proved to him that the boy apparently expected to be judged harshly. The priest sighed heavily, frowning to himself and thinking about how to explain that being gay wasn’t a sin, despite popular belief.

But before Crowley had figured his problem out, the voice made itself known again: “For these and any sins I may have forgotten, I am truly sorry.”

So apparently that really had been everything Castiel came to confess, the priest suddenly felt pretty bad for the child whose parents seemingly just found out about the orientation of their son and had sent him to church. This was the reason why so many young boys and girls felt uncomfortable being themselves, because it could end in something like this. Crowley wasn’t even sure how Castiel had thought about the whole thing before he had gotten send for confession, had he been confused? How long had he known himself?

“Castiel,” he started, consciously using the gentlest voice he could offer. The boy flinched nevertheless. “I don’t think I can forgive you for something that isn’t a sin. Not really.”

“My mother said that–” Crowley shook his head in disbelief before he interrupted the child mid-way.

“Okay, let’s do this differently. We go through the official forgiveness part, so your mum will be satisfied and afterwards, we are going to talk, alright?”

Things went a lot smoother from there, now that Castiel was back in his element. After an experienced recitation of the act of contrition, Crowley reluctantly granted the boy absolution.

“I absolve you from your sins in the name of the Father, the Son and the Holy Spirit.”

It went against the priest’s inner conviction to follow this act through under these circumstances, but decided he didn’t want to trouble the child any more.

The priest left the confessional first, backing away a little to give Castiel some room. It took him a moment longer to tumble out; the boy was all unsteady limbs and even worse, fear. Pained, Crowley stoked his hair back while looking around quickly before he once again took hold of the boy’s shoulder. “Do you want to go into the sacristy or in my office? When people visit for me for counseling, we normally chose the office, it’s more comfortable.”

In the end they ended up in the two armchairs Crowley had placed in this room, facing each other to make talking easier.

This time it was the priest who wasn’t sure how to start his little speech. “You know why I wanted to talk to you after your confession?” he asked and earned a blank stare from the child. “Apparently not. Great. Okay, look. How come that your mother called me today, what happened?”

“She, mother– today after school, Uriel told her that I was l-looking at my classmates in the locker room.” The poor boy looked pretty overwhelmed with the whole situation himself, embarrassment had given way to genuine distress.

“Nothing shameful about that, Castiel. Have you noticed before that that you like looking at other boys?”

Crowley leaned back in the cushions as to not crowd the child and waited as patiently as he could. He really wasn’t of the patient sort, but he sure as hell wouldn’t rush Castiel when the boy clearly needed someone to talk.

“Y– yes, last month I met a boy at school and I found that I thought him very– handsome.”

At that the priest had to bite back a little smirk, no need to scare Castiel off more. “I see. And did you ever think a girl… handsome before?” The boy mutely shook his head and the fidgeting grew more intense so that Crowley couldn’t help but place his own hands over the smaller and colder ones, bringing them to stop. “Castiel, as I said, that really is alright. Believe me; even if people tell you otherwise, I know what I am talking about.”

That made the child look up, realization dawning in the sky-blue eyes. “You are–?” he whispered incredulously, staring up into Crowley’s face as searching for a lie.

“Yes, I am homosexual as well. So if you ever need someone to ask things or when you need support you can always come to me.”

When the two of them parted ways for the day, Castiel once more became insecure. “What should I tell mother? Will you call her?”

It was maybe the hardest thing Crowley was ever forced to do in his life as priest when he told this young and scared boy to lie about his sexuality for the time being. Because it just wasn’t right for someone to hide this part of themselves, but if Castiel went home now he would just get hurt in his current state. First, he had to grow more accepting of himself and find people – besides Crowley – to stand with him. Right now, he was still too ashamed of himself, but they would come to that and Crowley would ease him through the process.

“I’ll see you on Saturday in church, father MacLeod. Thank you for your help today.”

“Go in peace, Castiel. See you on Saturday.”

 


End file.
